Let us have a closer look into the life of Free Range Translators now: as you probably know, translators follow what is called a deadline circadian rhythm. That is due to the fact that the life of Free-Rage Translators is conditioned on deadlines: depending on the nature of the work and on the deadline, the Free Range may as well sleep for a scarce four hours a night, or wake up very early in the morning, often without knowing anymore exactly which one is which. Due to this fact, Free Range translators have little familiarity with the human convention of solar calendar time measurement: whilst they accept and understand the use of months and years, they are troubled by week-days: as deadlines are seldom synchronized to the work-week, transaltors tend to mistake weekdays, generally go shopping when shops are closed, and will forever have troubles with post offices until these do not provide night-time opening times.
To endure such changing day-night cycle, translators ingest massive amounts of coffee, mostly liquid but in raw beans as well, which the creature crunches while browsing for jobs or checking the email: often Free Range translators are tracked by hunters by the traces they leave, like empty coffee cups for instance.
In 1967, archaeologist Hernanda Prieto-Cid discovered a burying site of an ancient Free Range translator. Inside the small conical structure, there were six mugs containing well-preserved traces of several liquids, among which tea, milk, orange juice and chocolate. It is thought that such items were placed besides the body of the translator in order to help him in translate in the afterlife. The tomb now belongs of the Translation Ethology Museum of Figueras, Spain.
When hungry, the Free Range begins a ritual activity that has not yet been fully explained by researchers: the specimen ceases to work, stands up, walks to the fridge and stands in front of it, opens it, closes it, looks at the clock. Then it moves to the shelf - where crackers, dehydrated soups and cookies are hoarded. It stares at it blankly, opens it, sighs, looks at the clock, and closes it. Then it goes back to the PC and begins to work again. This pattern will be repeated even four or five times before the Free Range actually decides to feed on something, and when it happens, it shows its wild nature by throwing a pan on high flames while devouring crackers or coffee beans.
The meal will last between up to 4 minutes, regardless of the quantity or the entity of the food.
However furious its meals are, the Free Range never fails to leave some left-over: it is a trick that this species has learned during evolution to survive to the cold season or to procrastinated payments. Free Ranges are accustomed to feed on the left-overs of the day before, and go as far as feeding on other translators' left-overs, although this is generally performed by male Free Ranges onto a female's meal left-over. Besides coffee, translators' diet consists of processed cheese and tuna, but it is an omnivore and is delighted by pizza, which it cannot cook, though.
As a rather intelligent species, the Free Range does possess some degree of culinary expertise: a few recipes are known to researchers (thanks to philologist Ted Roost's uncompared work): all recipes characterized by optimizing time and often mock actual human recipes:
3 am spicy fuzzy morsel
1 can of tuna (oil or brine regardless)
tabasco
2 slices of bread
processed cheese
Put the tuna and the cheese in a hot pan until the cheese melts, mashing everything up.
Add tabasco, then spread the whole thing on the bread.
Add salad or toast the bread for special occasions or if you have guests.
14 pm undead pasta from hell
left-over pasta (at least 500 gr)
grated bread
frankfurts
grated parmesan
olives
take the left-over pasta and shove it in a baking pan previously buttered.
Chop frankfurts, or really, chop whatever can be chopped, throw the olives in.
Now spread a layer of pasta, then grated bread, then pasta, and on top, parmesan cheese.
If the pasta is already a little dry, add tomato sauce or cooking cream.
Put the thing in the oven - which should be already at max temperature- and go back to work.
Cooking time: 20-30 min
Deadline Completion Eggs
Eggs
Powdered mint
Processed cheese
Parma/smoked ham/bacon
milk
butter
Pour a thin layer of milk in a sauce-pan, then a little butter and two eggs, minding not to break the yolk. Cover immediately with the lid and cook for 4-5 minutes at low fire, until the white becomes thick. Then add the meat.
When the whole thing looks almost ready, add the cheese (and, if it really came out well, wrap the meat with the mixture of white and melted cheese). Sprinkle plenty of powdered mint.
It's at least 40,000 calories so Free Ranges love it and prepare it only on special times, such as after they handed in some work.
In next post: The Proz Age
In next post: The Proz Age
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